Don’t give up because starting over sucks.
I’m only on Day 2 of working out for 35 minutes after having been completely inactive for almost 3 months. I’m not in the city so it’s hard to keep active when your stuck in your boyfriends room all day. So yesterday I decided I was going to start doing Blogilaties videos so I can spend this summer on the beach in a tiny bikini, basking in the sun with confidence. Lets see how it goes.
Keep me updated!! Or send me the videos you do so I can do them too XD
i was labelling stuff today and this lady scoffed at me and i was like hi and she was like writing with ur left hand is immoral. its 2014 and someone actually said that to my face
is there such a thing as too much high def?
I’m not gonna lie- reblogging this almost solely to look at the velvet bodice
The details in the FABRIC. I CAN FEEL IT.
Her hair… her hair hAS THE START OF FLYAWAY STRANDS OHMYGOD SHE IS IMPERFECTLY PERFECT!
she even has a crack in her lips i am going to cry
(Source: egipciaca, via cantakemyeyesoffofu)
sex in the shower? no. slip and bust my ass. break my dick. she slippin too. she knock her head on the tile she passed out. bleedin. i cant walk cause my jimmy snapped. thought this was gonna be sexy and we both end up half dead.
"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via dorkvader)
i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere
(Source: internmarlee, via ishashisha)
Oh, so women can’t dress how they want because men can’t control their sexual urges? When dogs can’t control their sexual urges, we cut off their balls.
I think I’m onto something here.
(Source: unicornbl000d, via youmakemefeellikeawh0re)
cute things to call your girlfriend:
5. 1/2lb butter
7. pour into pan
8. preheat to 375°
He’s just mad because he can’t acquire all the apple juice that I’m acquiring. (x)
My Baby and I get the same looks at times :’(